If something feels ‘not quite right’ then it probably isn’t.
I’ve always appreciated the engineering definition of tolerance: the acceptable range a measurement can deviate from its intended value without compromising the system. In other words, how much variation can a system withstand and still function effectively?
This concept—specified tolerance—is a powerful metaphor for our personal and professional lives. It reminds us that our ability to tolerate situations or behaviours has limits. There comes a point when “putting up with it” stops being wise or noble, and starts becoming harmful.
Too often, we ignore these limits. We shape-shift, self-silence, or endure beyond what’s reasonable, mistaking tolerance for strength. We believe we’re being noble or mature by forgiving, accepting and adjusting. But that’s not how it works.
In fact, the opposite occurs. Exceeding the limits of tolerance weakens the system. In engineering, that means malfunction or collapse. In life and work, it means burnout, resentment, disempowerment and the slow erosion of performance or potential.
When you continue to tolerate too much—whether it’s a toxic dynamic, misaligned role or persistent underperformance—things start to break. Individuals lose motivation. Teams lose their edge. Organisations lose momentum.
But here’s the flip side: when you honour your tolerance limits and stop tolerating what no longer serves you, two things can happen. Either the situation improves—through honest dialogue, mutual compromise or necessary recalibration—or it dissolves, freeing you to move on.
The real challenge? Knowing when to call it. Here are three practical tips to help you recognise when you’ve reached your limit.
Lingering discomfort is a message. If you’ve made efforts to adapt or compromise but see no shift in return, it’s likely you’re approaching your tolerance threshold. If something feels persistently “off,” trust that instinct. It probably is.
You’re allowed to have needs. So is your team. So is your organisation. Identify the standards and outcomes you require—and don’t be afraid to communicate them clearly. Use assertive language, set expectations and establish consequences when those needs aren’t met.
Creeping normalcy refers to the gradual acceptance of small, unfavourable changes that eventually add up to a big problem. What you once said you’d never accept becomes your new normal. Take stock: Where are you now? How far have you drifted from what you value, expect or once stood for? The bigger the gap, the bigger the problem.
Tolerance is valuable—but only within limits. Know where the line is. Honour it. And when the time comes, don’t be afraid to say: That’s enough.
Copyright 2022 Robin Elliott