The comment caught me by surprise:
“I’m surprised they picked me. Clearly, they see something in me that I don’t.”
It was unexpected, not because the sentiment is rare, but because of who it came from.
This was a leader I hold in high regard. A former colleague who consistently demonstrated sound judgement, balanced decision-making and an ability to deliver even difficult feedback in a way that built capability rather than diminished confidence. She was widely respected across the organisation.
She had recently secured her first board role with a highly regarded company. It was a natural next step—one that many would have anticipated. And yet, after a rigorous selection process, she was genuinely surprised to have been chosen.
Earlier that same day, I had a similar conversation with someone at a very different stage of their career.
A young professional had just been accepted into a highly competitive leadership program. Rather than feeling confident, he was uncertain.
“I don’t really see myself as a leader,” he said. “I’m not that assertive and I’m not always confident in my opinions. Shouldn’t I be those things?”
But that wasn’t how I saw him.
He was thoughtful, composed and considered in his approach. He listened well, reflected before responding and engaged others with ease. In many ways, he already demonstrated the qualities people look for in a leader—just not in the stereotypical form he expected.
Our self-perception often lags behind our reality.
Both conversations point to a common challenge: our self-perception often lags behind our reality.
We tend to carry forward an outdated view of ourselves—one shaped by earlier experiences, old assumptions, or narrow definitions of what success or leadership “should” look like. Meanwhile, our capabilities continue to evolve.
The external world often recognises this shift before we do.
Opportunities arise. Others place their confidence in us. We are selected, promoted, or invited into new spaces—not by accident, but because something in our current capability aligns with what is needed.
The gap is not in our ability. It’s in our recognition of it.
As I said to the young man:
“You’ve been chosen. That’s not random. It reflects how others see your potential—and your readiness. You belong in that environment.”
The same is true more broadly.
Progress doesn’t wait for our self-doubt to catch up.
Progress doesn’t wait for our self-doubt to catch up. It continues, whether we acknowledge it or not. The choice we have is whether to resist it—or step into it.
Pay attention to your internal dialogue. Many of the limiting beliefs we carry are habitual rather than accurate. Challenge them. Ask: Is this true today, or is this an outdated story?
Seek input from people you trust. Ask how they experience your strengths. Use tools like HBDI or similar assessments to gain an objective view of who you are today—not who you were.
Discomfort is often a signal of growth. It marks the boundary between the known and the unknown. You’ve reached a line—one you can choose to step over. Step forward.
You’re not chosen by chance.
If the opportunity is in front of you, it’s because you’re already ready.
Robin Elliott copyright 2023